Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Your love makes me sing

I gotta be honest, I kinda hate that song. I’m a worship leader and I hate that song. Oh, I’ll sing it because I want to start with something more upbeat, but I do it with chagrin.

But last night (now a couple weeks ago), in the middle of the beginning of worship, I had a thought. I thought, “Does Your love really make me sing? Is that what I’m doing up here?”

And that question has stayed with me and I can’t help but ask myself, am I being motivated to worship out of his love for me?

It’s a little bit like the authenticity question. Am I really real?

And looking back on the time I’ve spent leading or accompanying in worship, I’ve come a long way from that awkward kid who couldn’t flow to save your soul. I’ve had a few different experiences in a few different places. But frankly, I’m still just running a program.

And one night as I was thinking about what I was going to do for worship that week I just sat down with my guitar and played a little 40-minute medley–and Father said, ‘That’s what I want you to do – that’s how I want you to lead worship,’ and so I did, and (I thought) it went so much better than what I’d been doing, and if there were anything that flowed out of His love and holiness, that was it.

But that’s not every night. And maybe I’m just being over-critical of my private life–but I’m allowed to be introspective.

But at the end of the day it makes me realize, that’s what I want. I want my motivation, my love song, to flow out of his love song over me, and it all begins to unlock when I pay attention to what Father sings over me.

Jesus I’m tired of running the program. No love = no worship and I so do love you, but I want to be even more enraptured by you and I want it to be a visible, tangible reality for the people I lead. Sing your love over me.

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